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When I'm this close to
orgasm
 --
eyes squeezed shut, lips twisted in a Billy Idol
sneer, cheeks glowing -- the most descriptive
word wouldn't be "passionate" or "erotic." It
would be "determined." Because right then, at
the edges of my fading consciousness, I'm
worried that the phone will ring, my knees will
lose their traction on the sheets, or my
boyfriend will change position, and suddenly
I'll be sliding away from that elusive peak
instead of moving toward it. For the 75 percent
of women who don't always reach orgasm during
intercourse, this happens all the time.
What we need is a fuse
blower -- that last shot of stimulation that
blasts us into never-never land. "Calling it a
fuse blower is pretty appropriate," says sex
therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. "Recent studies show
that in order for a woman to achieve orgasm, the
part of her brain associated with stress,
emotion, and anxiety has to shut down." If
you're able to do something to a woman that
feels so incredibly good that she completely
relaxes and lets go, you're highly likely to
make that woman climax.
My friends helped me compile this list of orgasm
triggers. Get her to the point where she's
sweaty and breathing fast, then try one.
THE DOUBLE GRIP
Despite all the attention her booty may
attract when she's walking down the street in
tight jeans or bending over a file cabinet, a
woman's butt is too often sidelined during sex.
And that's why grabbing both of her cheeks when
she's on top may be just the unexpected turn-on
a girl needs to get off. "The buttocks are
packed with nerve endings," says Gilda Carle,
Ph.D., a sex therapist in New York City. "To
give her a surprising jolt of pleasure, spread
your fingers wide and squeeze both buttocks
firmly." But take it one step at a time. Yes, of
course, there are women out there who crave a
good spanking, but until you've had a
conversation about this sort of thing -- however
playful you are -- just keep it simple.
THE UP SHIFT
It was Rachel, my favorite sorority sister
in college, who told me about this trick: "When
a guy is on top of you in the missionary
position, have him shift his body slightly
forward so that, every time he thrusts, his
penis rubs against your clitoris." Yes, Rachel
really talked like this, and yes, college was
fun. This tactic is even more orgasmic if the
woman's legs are together and the man's are
straddling her. "It increases clitoral
stimulation," says Ellen Friedrichs, M.A., an
adjunct professor of human sexuality at Rutgers
University. You can achieve the same effect when
she's on top by propping yourself up on your
elbows, which places your abdomen in closer
contact with her sweet spot.
THE ULTIMATE
There's no question that clitoral contact is
the ultimate fuse blower. But how -- and how
much -- depends on the woman. "Going down on a
woman allows you to get a real sense of the
stimulation she likes at every stage of arousal,
especially the final one," says Kerner, who
wrote a whole book on the subject: She Comes
First. It also eliminates any performance
anxiety she has during intercourse, so she can
kick back and enjoy. Learn what she likes. Get
between her legs and give her a solid base of
lips, tongue, gums, and even chin to rub
against. At first, use your hands to guide her
hips to let her know you want her to do the
grinding. When she takes over, note how hard
she's pushing and in what direction. Use that
information later when using your fingers or
giving her a more aggressive tongue bath.
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