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 Why
Robert Palmer was right, you really can be
addicted to love?
As with obsessive-compulsive disorder, love
decreases brain levels of serotonin, the
neurotransmitter responsible for mood and
flexibility. Low serotonin means you can get
stuck on ideas--you become obsessed. Which is
just fine, unless she suddenly dumps you. That's
when the short supply of serotonin makes you
vulnerable to depression. In extreme cases, the
serotonin shortage can trigger obsessive
behaviors, such as exhibiting extreme jealousy
or even stalking. To get those serotonin levels
back up before the police come, try exercising
more, eating more carbs, and generally
distracting your lonesome thoughts. (Road trip!)
All of them will boost your serotonin levels.
Why touching her not
only seals the bond but strengthens it as well?
Oxytocin is your brain's love juice: the bonding
and attachment hormone. When you feel connected,
empathic, in love, the oxytocin jets are
spurting. Women have naturally higher levels of
this chemical: It boosts nonsexual bonding
between a mother and newborn, and it's
responsible for putting babies to sleep after
they nurse. Though both men and women secrete an
extra jolt of oxytocin during orgasm, we men go
through a 500 percent surge--which explains our
special talent for falling asleep immediately
after sex. If she complains that she doesn't
feel close enough, ask for her help readjusting
your oxytocin levels.
Why women are most
often the dumpers, and men the dumpees?
Women have greater access to the more negative
right side of the brain, one of the reasons they
suffer from depression twice as much as men. The
right hemisphere also allows women to see the
gestalt, or big picture, of relationships, so
they tend to know before men when a relationship
is not working out.
When the thrill is
gone, where it went?
Dopamine and PEA--your powerful attraction
chemicals--are strong stuff. But, as with any
high, it can't last. Intense feelings of
euphoria and obsession start to wane. You again
wonder what's been going on in the NFL or
whether you should see your buddies. As you come
down off the hard stuff, you may actually go
through withdrawal, missing the high of the
attraction stage.
How to get the love
buzz back, or not miss it so much when it's
gone?
You have a choice to make. Either you go right
out and chase that high (and some comely tail)
again, or you settle into the longer-term buzz
of a committed relationship. Oxytocin and
serotonin are your two best chemical friends for
the drive toward your 25th wedding anniversary.
They're not as exciting to the brain as the
attraction chemicals, but they have
longer-lasting effects. So you can trade the
dizzying high for a sustainable one. Of course,
if you're really smart, you can inject the hot
stuff back into any love relationship. Take her
away on a trip, spoil her rotten with La Perla
lingerie, send her flowers with a dirty note
attached, and the little dopamine chemicals come
back out and play. Just like the night you met
her.
What makes that
wandering eye wander?
Blame vasopressin. This hormone is involved in
regulating sexual persistence, assertiveness,
dominance, and territorial marking. And men have
lots of it, naturally. In male voles
(night-loving rodents, which probably describes
you perfectly), the levels of vasopressin seem
to make the difference between stay-at-home dads
and one-night-stand artists. Your hormone levels
are probably set at the genetics factory, but
the more you give in to vasopressin, the more of
it you produce. It's your choice.
Should you stay or
should you go?
Only your prefrontal cortex knows for sure.
Men who have healthy activity in their PFCs have
greater empathy, can focus for longer periods of
time, and tend to make better husbands. Men who
have overactive PFCs tend to be obsessive,
oppositional, and argumentative. This can turn
them into major chick repellents. Likewise, men
who have low activity in the PFC tend to be
impulsive (more vulnerable to affairs), easily
distracted (lousier at listening), easily bored
(more "business" trips to Vegas), and constantly
scamming for that attraction high (more given to
looking for love in all the wrong places). To
keep your PFC firing on all cylinders, protect
it from injury, which can come from using too
much alcohol, nicotine, or caffeine. Better
still, exercise your PFC by setting goals and
following through on them.
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